The Laws of Parenting (NB to 3 years)

Law 1} Anytime you have somewhere to important to be, whether it be work, church, Christmas, etc., you will probably be wearing very nice clothes. You’re child will puke that white formula on to your pretty shirt while you are burping him. It never fails.

Law 2} If you put nice clothes on them, they will magically have an upset stomach and poop out of those cute new pants you put him in to wear to church. You will also have forgotten to bring a change of clothes, at least once.

Law 3} You finally get your children to sleep. You are so tired. You finally fall asleep. The moment you feel yourself start to drift off, “waaaaaaah”. They just know.

Law 4} Being on time is very important for most people. Even more so when others think you are always late and you are determined to show up on time, even early! You got up an hour earlier, your kids dressed, you are on your way out the door…it is a guarantee that someone will poop, throw up, or have a melt down.

Law 5} If you dress your kids in white, it will get dirty. Actually, I think that is just a law as a human being.

Law 6} When you are extremely tired, the will be wired to the wall.

Law 7} If you have 2 children in diapers and one poops. Just wait, the other will be doing the same in about 10 minutes. {I think they plan this}.

Law 8} When you are trying to soothe one child, the other will all of a sudden realize they also need to throw a fit even if they were perfectly happy.

Law 9} When you leave the house, you will at least once, forget the diapers during a massive dirty diaper OR forget the formula when you have already traveled 20 miles from home.

Law 10} Your child will, at one point or another, color on the walls. I mean, who wouldn’t want to color on what seems like a gigantic piece of paper?

Law 11} Have a dog? Your child will try to ride him.

Law 12} Even if you do not believe in “punishment”, you will more than likely at one point, spank, yell, or punish your child in a way that will make you feel extremely guilty. It’s normal.

Law 13} Feeding your child baby food? He will eat it, you keep it very neat and clean. He gets sleepy, sucks on his fist, then rubs his eyes. He will then have food in his eyebrows, hairline, and eyelashes. This happens to me every time.

Law 14} Feeding your children spaghetti? Go ahead and put a towel underneath their place setting. 60% of spaghetti never makes it to their mouth.

Law 15} If you come across someone that said they just got over being sick or “it’s just allergies”, your child will be sick tomorrow.  You will be pissed.

What are some other things you know are almost always guaranteed to happen?

{Pilgrim On the Run}


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